autumn leaves

About a year ago, I started to feel TMJD creep in but wasn’t sure what was happening to me – pain, vertigo and basically an assault on my central nervous system. My ability to deal with day to day things started dwindling as the pinched nerves and flight or fight response turned my life completely upside down. It’s hard to believe that your jaw muscles can cause so much havoc but, believe me, they can. However, can you believe that this “flare-up”, as much I didn’t feel it at the time, is the best that happened to me? One day, I will jot down all the reasons why … But I will share that the woman standing in this picture feels incredibly strong (with a new definition of strength), happy and incredibly blessed to have the family and friends that I have. Sometimes it takes a debilitating illness/disorder to truly break you so the light can come in. I still have symptoms but my perception and the healthier road I embarked on has opened up the world for me in ways I never imagined.

A light that came through was the commitment and love that I received during a time when I was likely not the easiest (head splitting migraines that shoot through your eye will not make you pleasant, my friends). The obvious was my mom, who talked to me several times a day to reassure me that I will be OK. But the biggest gift I received was from my guy. I’ve never – ever – felt that type of care from a man. Ever. It was the kind you dream about but are convinced does not exist. I’m not talking grand, bells and whistles gestures either. I’m talking simple things – the kind that family does for you when you are not well. Pure unconditional love. Had I not been ill, I don’t think I would have taken it in the way I did. I had to trust. I was forced to let my guard down. There were so many days/nights he just sat with me and held my hand, walked me through the pain, meditated with me, made food I could chew, called to check in all the time and just simply watched over me. He was consistent and patient. When I could not do much, he held the house down, which was so important because I’m sure it wasn’t easy for my son to see me in pain and not truly understand what was happening. In so many ways, the whole experience was a huge blessing and I now deeply recognize why this needed to happen. When I was at my worst, I kept asking God to please show me what He wanted me to see from all this. I see it now, and the way I feel today is only the beginning. And to keep the promise that he will always be by my side, I got a beautiful engagement ring. It’s wonderful have, it really is … But he already delivered his in sickness and in health promise.

So here I am in my staple pencil skirt and a classic trench feeling wonderful after a weekend of Day of the Dead activities at Museum of Latina American Art and a bit of Ann Taylor shopping. I cannot get enough of their purses – Always chic with a great price range for those of us who love lots of options. And with all my experiences this past year, I just find the biggest joys in simple things like a great coat and a beautiful clutch. It was the perfect Fall weekend as we celebrated the death and life of those we love as well as the symbolic deaths that give us new life.

(H&M trench coat , Marciano Brea Pont Cutout Crop Top, Bebe Bodycon Midi Skirt, Steve Madden leopard pumps, Ann Taylor Pebbled Signature Crossbody Bag)

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