What is sexy?

The other day a friend of mine and I were chatting about sexiness, and some of the ruts we get into. As we get older the definition of feeling and being sexy changes but it’s not always a smooth ride in getting to that place. Our bodies change, our live are different and priorities are nothing like they were when we were 20.

With Valentine’s day approaching, I thought I would share a list on what I think is sexy. Because with all the images we see online (most photoshopped), I feel like we miss the point of what it truly is. You can have what is perceived to be a flawless figure, a gorgeous face and perfect skin, and yet have zero sexiness past the initial glance.

What is sexy?

A sense of humor

This goes for everyone. It’s such a turn off to be around someone who can’t take a joke, tell a joke or understand a joke. And by joke I don’t mean stand up quality one-liners. I’m talking about a witty and humorous perspective and/or the ability to roll with one from someone else. I find humor to be a huge factor in weighing someone’s intelligence. It also tells you a lot about where they stand on things.

Charisma

This goes hand in hand with humor, I feel. But it’s a tougher one to define, as it really is subjective. It’s a combination of personal and social skills mixed in with the person’s true understanding of themselves. The delivery of their thoughts – in a charming and magnetic way – can be all the sexy they need.

Confidence

My friend is so upset that she gained weight. My reply to her was “own it.” Yes, easier said than done. I gained weight as well when I got sick, and find that shedding the pounds is a lot harder now. But thanks to so many of my friends in the curvy girl blogging community, I’ve learned to embrace what I got. Confidence is contagious.

Related: Sexy after 40

Integrity

You know what’s not sexy? Dishonesty. Transparency is so sexy. Admitting your flaws and aiming to do better. Really, really sexy. Having a strong point of view (that you live by, not just talk) with a sense of humor and great delivery is irresistible. A lot of my friends swoon over guys with six packs. Honestly, it does nothing for me. Being an integrate person, a man/woman of your word and crystal clear about your stance is better than nicely built core.

So as I stand here in this sexy red velvet Tobi dress, this picture is nothing without any of the qualities I listed. Sexy goes a lot deeper, and hope you will keep this post and read it whenever you get in a rut (me included!)