Recognizing patterns

I would love to make some sort of pronouncement like “I’m back!” Truth is, I can’t really claim that yet. My last blog post was in April. I need to ease my way back in. Because, truth be told…

I’ve had a tough year.

Recognizing patterns

I won’t get into the nitty gritty of it all but let’s just say I’m the mom of a young adult, the daughter of aging parents, the owner of a business and…ugh…in the midst of peri-menopause.

This year kicked my butt in more ways than one. What made it even tougher is that I had to come to terms with a lot of things about my own thought patterns and ways of communicating that were no longer working.

Man. It was messy, my friends. So very messy.

The things that once served me well were actually getting in the way, and I needed to do major shift. Recognizing that was hard. Doing the work after realizing where you are was even harder. Without my usual “I can fix this” toolbox, I was forced to sit back and listen, and view a very hurtful situation through a lens of compassion and patience, which was not easy for me. Because honestly, it was the kind of circumstance most people would say (and did say) I needed to lay down the iron fist.

Instead, I did the opposite. I practiced the art of giving grace. I listened. I eliminated the noise. I stayed present. In doing so, I was able to see the core of the situation with clarity, and was able to move myself forward, as well as the situation.

What was once a monsoon is now an occasional rain shower. Had I continued to let my decisions be guided by my conditioning, I can’t say my outcome would have been the same.

It was a year of really tough lessons and heartache. It was also a year of tremendous growth. And let me you, growing through adversity is hard. It’s so much easier to fallback on the defaults, especially at this age. There are so many layers to sift through, and not everyone wants to do that work. I’m so glad I did. But wow. It was tough.

I have no idea what 2020 will bring. But I can certainly say I’m more equipped to take on a few storms with more ease. After all, life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. However, I will say that I do not, under any circumstances, want to deal a monsoon again. I feel like I’ve moved up the wisdom ladder and would like to stay here and enjoy the view for a while.

Hoping for a kinder, less eventful year.