The blogging struggle

I was just about to call it semi-quits on blogging. I say semi because I was still going to do it here and there, but it was no longer going to be top of mind. I’ve been uninspired for quite some time for a variety of reasons. Most of it is because I’m an over-thinker. It’s terrible. I can talk my way out of and into everything all the time. Blogging was on that list. I was knee-deep into a rebrand (I was just going to have a site with the blog as a second thought) until it ocurred to me that I still have a passion in me to write, create, journal, share and document.

I tell my clients all the time that they need to write often, develop habits, set a routine, create an editorial calendar. Meanwhile, I’ve been struggling to do the same. I love writing. I love photography. So what’s the deal?

The blogging struggle

Well, I think my weird relationship with blogging started several years ago when I was divorcing. Not to get into anything too personal but for many years every little thing I did online was scrutinized. I worried that my happiness, thoughts, travels would somehow be “angled” and taken out on my son in some way. My thought was and still is – If you’re using social media to insult the mom then what’s happening when the child is in your care? Because of this, I refrained from saying too much. I can finally say this now because it’s a reality that I see so many divorced mothers go through. You write a post, express a thought and all hell breaks loose with assumptions. Eventhough my son is 19 years old now and doesn’t need me protecting him from the sidelines anymore, it set a tone that I’ve been trying to rid myself of for quite some time. It made me very gaurded, which is extremely difficult for someone who needs creativity to live and breathe. Without it, I get depressed.

The other reason for my inconsistent blogging has been because of my regular work. Or at least I like to make the excuse that my job impacts my ability to write. However, I do think my former job made it hard to blog because I felt expected to be their brand and not my own. That was likely more in my head than reality but I dedicated much of my time helping to build that community more than my own. By the time I finished a work day, I didn’t have the mental energy to focus on my passions. That’s no longer the case but breaking the habit of “work keeps me too busy” has not been easy.

Related post: Starting a business after 40

After giving my rebrand a long lackluster stare, I had an aha moment. Why am I robbing myself of the things that bring me joy? Why am I allowing all of these “things’ to be a reason not to create? I had to dig deep. This wasn’t about blogging. It was about me. I sat with that for a long time, and finally decided to just write-a-post from the heart. Stop thinking what-if and just do it.

I’m sharing all of this with you because I know I’m not alone. I also feel there’s this perception that there’s this perfect formula for creating content, and there isn’t. You will have ruts and you will need breaks. You will encounter road blocks that may require you to dig deep to understand where they’re coming from. It’s not about the blog – or the book, the canvas, the clay or the recipe.

It’s about us, me, you.

We stop ourselves from using our God given talents. We rob ourselves and others who need to hear and see your words or art. No one else is doing it. We are.

Will I write like a machine everyday? I don’t know. But I certainly have a lot more clarity after taking this break and seeing what a rebrand looked like without my words breathing life into it, and it didn’t feel right.

I don’t know where this clarity will take me. But it’s a relief to have some answers. Now it’s a matter of taking the steps to stop all the noise in my head and move forward with what I love to do.